Somehow. The rain is working against me. The once tranquil inner peace that soothes me during heaven's tears of joy has turned into a bloody knife that cuts so deep. Whats more scary than looking all so cheery when even the slightest smell of rain can poison you. Well, not that serious actually. I am an austere contradiction. a real irony. dont get it all wrong. nothing traumatic happened to spark these unwelcomed emotions. its just all so random and sudden. ponderings of a pathetic utopian.

Once again, its a veil of self deceit and denial im hiding beneath. its even a miracle that i'm still alive to write. i am my own emotional baggage i always am. Who really stays? boyfriends stay dont they. well, not really. Friends stay dont they. well, again, not really. family stay dont they. well, not forever. but me do stay. that im confident. its a self created rollercoaster ride. and im my own ride operator.

It doesnt make sense anymore. the traffic in my head is all so conjested. its spinning the wildest fantasies and ugliest dreams. thoughts so random and fleeting that is enough to create a novel. im so in the wrong field of studies now. i should be weaving fairytales instead. why am i scrutinizing numbers so forever dead. i must be insane.

I just need a few tanks of booze. soak me in booze.

Just wondering. If i put my fishes in a tank of booze. will they dance?

HELEN. she's a bitch. but a KIND one.


Jing
Jing 2
Geraldine
joelle
Mishie
Xing Yue
Adeline
Ying Ying
Lixian
Meiling
Adriel
Dom
siree
lisa
sing ying


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